19 February 2011

A Rant of Sorts

Dear Starbucks,

I love you, I mean how could I not? You meet all my needs – cappuccino for when I'm feeling {like impersonating a} European, decaf for when I'm feeling anxious, white mocha for when I need warming, iced caramel macchiato for my milky-sweet cravings, and peppermint mocha for my winter insulation {aka 5 pounds I gain every Christmas while this beverage is in season.}

Sure, I love South End type cafes and bakeries, but you're closer by and you do still have a community vibe that I dig. I tend to be “that guy” whose drink goes missing, but it's generally quickly & easily remedied. I do have one extreme pet peeve though, about your shop. And it's this:

When I ask for coffee cake, I want coffee cake. Do not ask me which kind of coffee cake I want. If I wanted blueberry coffee cake, I'd ask for blueberry. If I wanted reduced fat, I'd ask for reduced fat. If I ask for coffee cake period, give me classic coffee cake.

It's simple really, but I've had more altercations with a barista over this than I care to mention. It generally escalates into a shouting match until a “Classic” coffee cake is thrown carelessly into a ripped bag which is then slid across the counter along with a passive-agressive “have a nice day.” Then I leave feeling like an asshole, and I hate that because, I'm not.

So let's resolve this difference. From the way the question is usually stated, I have a feeling that I'm not the one who experiences this problem. It's not that I'm not willing to bend, I just don't think I have to. I look forward to seeing you tomorrow, because let's face it – we know my kitchen cabinets hold little more than wine glasses.



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